After seeing numerous (and by that I mean probably 50+) other doctors for answers to my ever-worsening health, I finally saw a Neurologist on Friday. It was a breath of fresh air to finally get a fresh point of view in my case, and as I was re-telling the story I’ve told thousands of times already, it clicked that this sickness has been going on a lot, lot longer than I realized.

Initially I wound up being hospitalized the last week of April/first week of May 2008; thinking it was just a long stomach flu, I’d get some fluids, meds, then go back to life just as it was. Little did I know, the hospital would be my second home, and life as I knew it was totally over. A new life was about to begin.

[Don’t wanna read it all? Short version w/ the juicy details on Blogspot]

During my teen years I had these same spells, but everyone at the time gave it the name Anxiety, and I was living with the idea that I was just crazy and anxious, and nervous in situations, without realizing it. (stupid, now that I think back on it.) But I did have a really tough time from 6th-11th grade; and with what was going on, depression did seem to fit. But even after I got over that, from Senior year to 2007, I’d still get these random bouts of extreeeeme fatigue, hot/cold sweats, nausea/vomiting and extreme shakes. It tended to happen on photo-shoots, or out with friends at night, and they didn’t last for more than a day, or even a few hours; so again I thought it was just anxiety and put it out of my mind.

Twice as a child, between 4-7 I was hospitalized for acute cases of Rotavirus. The second time my Mother was told to call a Priest to read my Last Rites because they didn’t think I was going to make it. But, even then I was a tough little fighter; and I was back in school and so VERY happy to be there with familiar faces in a normal setting. I remember how good it felt to step off that bus the first morning back, with all my friends running up to give me hugs. It’s a day I’ll never forget; and that constantly pushes me through tough times now. [:

After an HOUR & A HALF of talking about all the symptoms, incidents, hospitalizations, diagnosis..the doctor mentioned that this may in fact be an extremely extremely rare form of seizure. There’s a possiblity, my brain is actually coming through the hole in my skull and placing pressure on my spine/nerves which in turn can trigger seizures which show as random vomiting/pain attacks.

I just looked at him like he had three heads.

Four or so days earlier, I woke up out of a sound sleep for no reason, and just had to turn on the television because my brain wouldn’t let me go back to bed. It ended up on Discovery Health, where I had seen a case on TV where a girl who was about 5 would vomit throughout the night during her sleep, with absolutely no memory of it. Her mother finally took her for special testings and they found she had a rare form of seizures that occur in her body while she’s asleep. For some reason R.E.M caused her nerves to signal vomiting, but with medications, she’s fine today.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and it’s a tad freaky to me that this the show had touched my heart so deeply, and that I woke up out of a sound sleep to watch..ended up being a similar diagnosis to this Doctor. A part of me is absolutely terrified. Who wants brains coming through their skull? Or to know this isn’t just vomiting, I may be in fact having a seizure. My mind. It’s blown. I’m eagerly waiting for the MRI/EEG testing so we can finally know. If it true, this could be THE trigger that set all the other problems in my body into motion, and this whole struggle to know will be overrrr. If it’s not, we have to keep looking. & I’m not so sure where else to look. For now, I stay hopeful. [: Any moment I’m not in the hospital, or bent over in pain, I’m happy.<3